Part 2

Once you have their attention, the next challenge is getting them to co-operate. This is by far the biggest challenge of parenting a young child. There are no simple answers, every child will respond differently. But that doesn't mean it is hopeless. There are things you can do to give you an advantage.

Choose your words very carefully. By that, I don't mean you can't tell your kids to brush their teeth (for example).  I am referring the SPECIFIC words that you say. So, for example, if you want your little one to clean up his or her mess, the two most common approaches parents will use are

"Clean up your mess" or,

"Can you clean up your mess please?"

In both cases, these rarely work. It doesn't matter if the child is 2, 6, or 10, they will immediately rebel against demands. Using the first example generally leads to a fight, if not, a tantrum. The second example is no better.

When you are asking, the child will immediately refuse. In both cases, this is because young children are constantly pushing their boundaries in order to find their limits. Just like any adult, they would LIKE to rule the world. Unlike an adult however, they don't know if that is possible. So when you ask like in the above example, you give the child an opportunity to assert dominance over you by refusing. Of course, they will seize that opportunity. So how do we go about it?  Try;

"Hey Billy, I really need you to clean up your mess for me."

Whatever you do, do NOT end this with "okay?". That would make it a question like in the second example, and you will face all the same problems. But try the last example with your kids.  It really does work with a vast majority of children, most of the time.  It will never work EVERY time.  They are kids, and no kid is going to listen ALL the time.  But it will work more often than not. Understanding WHY it works, is the key to using it successfully.

All kids act up.  All kids have tantrums. At times, they can drive you crazy and even make you wonder if they're just plain evil. But when it comes right down to it, children are good-hearted. And, (this is key) they absolutely LOVE helping grown-ups. It doesn't matter if it's making dinner, working in the garden, or any number of other things. Helping grown-ups, makes them feel needed, grown up, and empowered. They absolutely crave this! By including the words "really need" and "for me" in the example above, you are catering to that craving. Yes, you are pretty much making a demand. But by using these carefully selected words, your child doesn't see it as a demand. Rather, they feel helpful, needed, and best of all, grown up. So, cleaning up his/her mess becomes helping mom or dad, instead of just following orders or doing a chore. The end result is that the parent is happy becuase the mess gets cleaned up, and the child is happy because he or she helped.

More coming soon...